Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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