Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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