I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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