Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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