the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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