i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
