omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
