Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
