the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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