Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
