took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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