I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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