White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
