billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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