Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
