The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
