your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
