I think I won the penis lottery.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
