I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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