She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So squirting runs in the family.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Randomize