Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
