Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
