We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
