We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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