the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
