I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
