So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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