RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're too hungover to prance.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
