I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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