Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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