Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
