We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
