So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
