she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
