the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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