'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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