Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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