she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
