i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
