Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
