He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
