New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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