he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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