Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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