i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
