Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
