marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
