This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
