We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
