She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
