i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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