The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
