Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
