everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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