I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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