i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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