You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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