I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
