You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
