I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
