shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize