She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
