Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize